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Easy Listening!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
I needed to know this yesterday.. its a day late
Aries Love Horoscope
Frustrations and obstacles in your relationships with others arise at this time. You feel like others do not really understand you and do not cooperate with you, and that to do anything right, you have to do it yourself. This can be a very self defeating attitude, try to look outside your own perception and see how you can find some win win situations.
Aries Love Horoscope
Frustrations and obstacles in your relationships with others arise at this time. You feel like others do not really understand you and do not cooperate with you, and that to do anything right, you have to do it yourself. This can be a very self defeating attitude, try to look outside your own perception and see how you can find some win win situations.
Aries Horoscope (why why oh why)
tastes may run more to distaste for the moment, where what you don't like influences your goals as much as what you do like. In the avoidance of one flavor, however, don't fling yourself into the arms of something even more undesirable. Better to fast than to swallow something ugly you'll regret later.
tastes may run more to distaste for the moment, where what you don't like influences your goals as much as what you do like. In the avoidance of one flavor, however, don't fling yourself into the arms of something even more undesirable. Better to fast than to swallow something ugly you'll regret later.
50 Cent - Behind The Music (Preview) - Eminem's MySpace Blog |
Eminem posted a new blog entry:
Now i can delete from DVR..
From: http://ping.fm/sbogA
Now i can delete from DVR..
From: http://ping.fm/sbogA
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Spaghetti
Spaghetti
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy,
he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.
The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without." marriage Humor Spaghetti
http://ping.fm/A0cUq
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy,
he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.
The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without." marriage Humor Spaghetti
http://ping.fm/A0cUq
The dirty fork
The dirty fork
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened.
The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.
The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen.
He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man."
Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here..." lol Humor
http://ping.fm/OqadV
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened.
The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.
The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen.
He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man."
Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here..." lol Humor
http://ping.fm/OqadV
Black Magic
Black Magic
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a fight, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night.
A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most... "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions:
Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?
The wife put down her drink and said. . .
"Nah... let the old man dig. I had him buried upside down!" http://ping.fm/YbJlg
#lol Humor
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a fight, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night.
A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most... "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions:
Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?
The wife put down her drink and said. . .
"Nah... let the old man dig. I had him buried upside down!" http://ping.fm/YbJlg
#lol Humor
Put a rubber on it
Put a rubber on it
A husband and a wife are waiting at the bus stop, and with them are their nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives, they find that it is overloaded and only the wife and nine kids are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that sound is driving me nuts!"
The blind man replies, "If you would've put rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up!" lmao lol http://ping.fm/G6zpk
A husband and a wife are waiting at the bus stop, and with them are their nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives, they find that it is overloaded and only the wife and nine kids are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that sound is driving me nuts!"
The blind man replies, "If you would've put rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up!" lmao lol http://ping.fm/G6zpk
A guy was driving his car at the speed of 80 mph
A guy was driving his car at the speed of 80 mph when he saw
the flashing red and blue lights.
Thinking that the cop might not be able to catch him, he
accelerated to 110 mph. He finally came to some sense and
pulled over to the side.
The cop stepped out, took his license and examined it without a
word. He looked at the driver and said, "I've had a tough shift
and this is my last pullover. I don't feel like doing anymore
paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that
I haven't heard before, you can go!"
The driver blinked only once while his brain scramble for a
reply. "Last week I found my wife fucking a cop" he said, "and
I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Off you go," said the officer. lol humor
the flashing red and blue lights.
Thinking that the cop might not be able to catch him, he
accelerated to 110 mph. He finally came to some sense and
pulled over to the side.
The cop stepped out, took his license and examined it without a
word. He looked at the driver and said, "I've had a tough shift
and this is my last pullover. I don't feel like doing anymore
paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that
I haven't heard before, you can go!"
The driver blinked only once while his brain scramble for a
reply. "Last week I found my wife fucking a cop" he said, "and
I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Off you go," said the officer. lol humor
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Shwana Words of Wisdom wants you to check out a photo on MySpace in the My Photos album ( http://ping.fm/tnTUj )
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
[Executive Orders]: Can someone explain to me why... - LPH� and his dog P� - FriendFeed Banks Rip Off (http://ping.fm/riXoG)
Saturday, October 10, 2009
50 Cent Plans To Expand 'ThisIs50' Fest
50 Cent held his first annual "ThisIs50" Fest at New York's Governor's Island last weekend, and considering his career has been tarnished with a number of hip hop feuds, the Queens rapper managed to bring together some of New York rap's elite for the event.
On the bill were Slaughterhouse, Uncle Murda, Maino, Corey Gunz, Young Trav, D-Block, Red Café, Jim Jones, Juelz Santana, Papoose, Ron Browz, Al Be Back and 50 Cent's own G-Unit crew. Additionally, Kid Cudi, Wale, Wyclef Jean and the two surviving members of 90s R&B group Intro took the stage as well.
"I had to touch base with everyone and everybody saw how it made sense to get together and make some real money. And then artists influenced other artists to join," 50 Cent told Billboard about how the concert came about. "A lot of the artists out here tonight deserve to be on a regular Summer Jam bill, but we have to make our own Summer Jam because they [radio stations] are not recognizing their [new rappers'] material."
50 also revealed he plans to take '50 Fest' on the road, with scheduled stops in L.A. and Atlanta next. "Once they see us all here together at the same time with no issues, no incidents and no problems, they'll let us do it wherever we want," he said. "After Hot 97 [New York radio station that supported '50' fest], we're going to step to Power 106 in L.A. and then Atlanta and we'll continue moving around until we load the whole map up."
In the past, 50 Cent has had public disputes with rappers like Ja Rule, Fat Joe, The Game and most recently, Rick Ross, among others. Still, 50 assures fans can see him collaborate more closely with other artists, especially those from his hometown, moving forward. "In the future, don't be surprised when you see all of us collaborating and working together on different projects -- not necessarily a song, but something bigger," he says.
50 Cent's upcoming album, the oft-delayed Before I Self Destruct, is now slated to be released on November 17th via G-Unit/Shady Records/Aftermath/Interscope Records. 50cent
# Posted: 10/10/2009 6:21:34 AM by Black widow# http://ping.fm/QqnNL
On the bill were Slaughterhouse, Uncle Murda, Maino, Corey Gunz, Young Trav, D-Block, Red Café, Jim Jones, Juelz Santana, Papoose, Ron Browz, Al Be Back and 50 Cent's own G-Unit crew. Additionally, Kid Cudi, Wale, Wyclef Jean and the two surviving members of 90s R&B group Intro took the stage as well.
"I had to touch base with everyone and everybody saw how it made sense to get together and make some real money. And then artists influenced other artists to join," 50 Cent told Billboard about how the concert came about. "A lot of the artists out here tonight deserve to be on a regular Summer Jam bill, but we have to make our own Summer Jam because they [radio stations] are not recognizing their [new rappers'] material."
50 also revealed he plans to take '50 Fest' on the road, with scheduled stops in L.A. and Atlanta next. "Once they see us all here together at the same time with no issues, no incidents and no problems, they'll let us do it wherever we want," he said. "After Hot 97 [New York radio station that supported '50' fest], we're going to step to Power 106 in L.A. and then Atlanta and we'll continue moving around until we load the whole map up."
In the past, 50 Cent has had public disputes with rappers like Ja Rule, Fat Joe, The Game and most recently, Rick Ross, among others. Still, 50 assures fans can see him collaborate more closely with other artists, especially those from his hometown, moving forward. "In the future, don't be surprised when you see all of us collaborating and working together on different projects -- not necessarily a song, but something bigger," he says.
50 Cent's upcoming album, the oft-delayed Before I Self Destruct, is now slated to be released on November 17th via G-Unit/Shady Records/Aftermath/Interscope Records. 50cent
# Posted: 10/10/2009 6:21:34 AM by Black widow# http://ping.fm/QqnNL
First Time
First Time
This guy and his girlfriend were going at it hot and heavy in the backseat of his car. A knock was heard on the window and there stood a cop. The guy got out, shaking like a leaf. The cop said that he wouldn't arrest him if he could be next.
The guy got back in the car and finished with his girlfriend. When he got out again, he was still shaking like a leaf. The cop said there was no reason to be scared, because he wouldn't arrest him if he could be next. The guy said 'I'm not afraid that you'll arrest me, it's just that I've never done it with a cop before!" Humor http://ping.fm/rcO6L
This guy and his girlfriend were going at it hot and heavy in the backseat of his car. A knock was heard on the window and there stood a cop. The guy got out, shaking like a leaf. The cop said that he wouldn't arrest him if he could be next.
The guy got back in the car and finished with his girlfriend. When he got out again, he was still shaking like a leaf. The cop said there was no reason to be scared, because he wouldn't arrest him if he could be next. The guy said 'I'm not afraid that you'll arrest me, it's just that I've never done it with a cop before!" Humor http://ping.fm/rcO6L
Taste test
Taste test
A teacher was having a tasting day where she would put candy in the kids' mouth and they would guess what it was. She went to the first little boy and put a Hershey's Kiss in his mouth.
"Can you guess what it is?"
"I don't know," said the boy.
"I'll give you a hint. It's something your daddy asks your mommy for every morning."
The girl next to the boy says "Don't eat it. It's a piece of ass." Humor http://ping.fm/9MEQW
A teacher was having a tasting day where she would put candy in the kids' mouth and they would guess what it was. She went to the first little boy and put a Hershey's Kiss in his mouth.
"Can you guess what it is?"
"I don't know," said the boy.
"I'll give you a hint. It's something your daddy asks your mommy for every morning."
The girl next to the boy says "Don't eat it. It's a piece of ass." Humor http://ping.fm/9MEQW
Going to the bathroom at night
Going to the bathroom at night
A 70-year-old man goes to the doctor's for a physical.The doctor runs some tests and says to the man, "Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally?How is your connection with God?"And the man says, "Oh me and God?We're tight.We have a real bond, he's good to me.Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off."Well, upon hearing this the doctor was astonished. He called the man's wife and said, "I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God.He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves.Is this true?"And she says, "That idiot, he's been peeing in the refrigerator!" Humor http://ping.fm/kkqFn
A 70-year-old man goes to the doctor's for a physical.The doctor runs some tests and says to the man, "Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally?How is your connection with God?"And the man says, "Oh me and God?We're tight.We have a real bond, he's good to me.Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off."Well, upon hearing this the doctor was astonished. He called the man's wife and said, "I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God.He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves.Is this true?"And she says, "That idiot, he's been peeing in the refrigerator!" Humor http://ping.fm/kkqFn
What does it taste like
What does it taste like
A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits.
One day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you could ever imagine. "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher. Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher had them put honey flavored lifesavers in their mouths, every one of the children was stumped.
"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your Daddy and Mommy probably call each other all the time." Instantly, one of the children spat the lifesaver out of his mouth and shouted, "Spit 'em out, you guys, they're assholes!" Humor http://ping.fm/F5zZJ
A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits.
One day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you could ever imagine. "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher. Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher had them put honey flavored lifesavers in their mouths, every one of the children was stumped.
"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your Daddy and Mommy probably call each other all the time." Instantly, one of the children spat the lifesaver out of his mouth and shouted, "Spit 'em out, you guys, they're assholes!" Humor http://ping.fm/F5zZJ
The Boss
When the Lord made Man, all the parts of the body argued over
who would be the Boss.
The Brain explained that since he controlled all the parts of
the body, he should be Boss. The Legs argued that since they
took the Man wherever he wanted to go, he should be the Boss.
The Stomach countered with the explanation that since he
digested all the food, he should be the boss.
The Eyes said that without them, Man would be helpless, so they
should be Boss.
Then the Ass Hole applied for the Job. The other parts of the
body laughed so hard that the ass hole became mad and closed
up.
After a few days the Brain went foggy, the Legs got wobbly, the
Stomach got ill, the Eyes got crossed and were unable to see.
They all finally conceded and made the Ass Hole Boss.
This proves you don't have to be a Brain to be Boss...Just an
Ass Hole. Humor
who would be the Boss.
The Brain explained that since he controlled all the parts of
the body, he should be Boss. The Legs argued that since they
took the Man wherever he wanted to go, he should be the Boss.
The Stomach countered with the explanation that since he
digested all the food, he should be the boss.
The Eyes said that without them, Man would be helpless, so they
should be Boss.
Then the Ass Hole applied for the Job. The other parts of the
body laughed so hard that the ass hole became mad and closed
up.
After a few days the Brain went foggy, the Legs got wobbly, the
Stomach got ill, the Eyes got crossed and were unable to see.
They all finally conceded and made the Ass Hole Boss.
This proves you don't have to be a Brain to be Boss...Just an
Ass Hole. Humor
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Donate $1.00 get free photo dvd. 20-100 pictures from any digital media.. ONE DAY ONLY TODAY.. (http://ping.fm/MbFhy)
Donate $1.00 get free photo dvd. 20-100 pictures from any digital midia.. ONE DAY ONLY TODAY.. (http://ping.fm/R1HNK)
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Who to marry
Who to marry
Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.
The first man married a nurse. Dave showed them to their room and thought to
himself, "What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be hot to trot".
The second man married a telephone operator. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,"Wow, he's a lucky one. Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top button...Va-voom.".
The third man married a school teacher.
Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty but
teachers are just too frigid".
The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two would call much later in the day.
At6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband
wanting breakfast. The nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed. Dave asked, "What
happened sir? You married a nurse. The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a
nurse. All I heard last night was her nagging voice saying, " You're not sanitary,
you're not sanitary."
At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.
The telephone operator's husband called
for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast as possible hoping for the best. The man opened the
door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and
pressed. Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
their voices." The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone
operator. All I heard last night was her a nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes
are up, your three minutes are up." Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the
teachers husband would be calling any minute.
Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.
Dave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couples room. The
man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man waswearing only his boxers, his
hair was a mess,and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and legs. Joe fearing the worst,
asked " What happened to you? Did you have a fight?" The man smiled and happily
replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last
night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We are going to do this over and over, until
we get right." Jokes
From: http://ping.fm/om1yp
Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.
The first man married a nurse. Dave showed them to their room and thought to
himself, "What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be hot to trot".
The second man married a telephone operator. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,"Wow, he's a lucky one. Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top button...Va-voom.".
The third man married a school teacher.
Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty but
teachers are just too frigid".
The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two would call much later in the day.
At6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband
wanting breakfast. The nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed. Dave asked, "What
happened sir? You married a nurse. The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a
nurse. All I heard last night was her nagging voice saying, " You're not sanitary,
you're not sanitary."
At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.
The telephone operator's husband called
for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast as possible hoping for the best. The man opened the
door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and
pressed. Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
their voices." The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone
operator. All I heard last night was her a nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes
are up, your three minutes are up." Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the
teachers husband would be calling any minute.
Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.
Dave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couples room. The
man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man waswearing only his boxers, his
hair was a mess,and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and legs. Joe fearing the worst,
asked " What happened to you? Did you have a fight?" The man smiled and happily
replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last
night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We are going to do this over and over, until
we get right." Jokes
From: http://ping.fm/om1yp
Expert in the kitchen
Expert in the kitchen
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.
"You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home."
"Why?" asked somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at dinner for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time.
One day I told her, 'Honey, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'
"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 30 minutes to make dinner.
Now I do it in ten..." humor
From: http://ping.fm/IUMLG
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.
"You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home."
"Why?" asked somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at dinner for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time.
One day I told her, 'Honey, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'
"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 30 minutes to make dinner.
Now I do it in ten..." humor
From: http://ping.fm/IUMLG
Telesales (LMAO)
Telesales
One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer.
I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this: (swallowing)
- Me: Hello
- AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
- Me: Is this AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
- Me: This is AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
- Me: Is this AT&T?
- AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
- Me: May I ask who is calling?
- AT&T: This is AT&T.
- Me: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
- Me: Hello?
- AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
- Me: May I ask who is calling please?
- AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
- Me: Is this AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
- Me: This is AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?
- Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes sir.
- Me: The phone company?
- AT&T: Yes sir.
- Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
- AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
- Me: I already have a phone.
- AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
- Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.
When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested," but this lady was persistent.
- AT&T: Mr. Byron, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate." I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.
- Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
- AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes
- sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!
- Me: 7 days a week?
- AT&T: That's right.
- Me: 365 days a year?
- AT&T: Yes sir.
- Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
- AT&T: We think so!
- Me: That's quite a sum of money!
- AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
- Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
- AT&T: Excuse me?
- Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
- AT&T: What are you talking about?
- Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
- AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.
- Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T?
- AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......
- Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.
- AT&T: No sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....
- Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
- AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
- Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?
- AT&T: What?
- Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
- AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold.
So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:
- Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
- Me: Yeth?
- Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
- Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
- Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.
I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.
- Me: No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.
- Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
- Me: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.
- AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?
- Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...
- AT&T: (click)
From: http://ping.fm/VS1s0
One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer.
I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this: (swallowing)
- Me: Hello
- AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
- Me: Is this AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
- Me: This is AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
- Me: Is this AT&T?
- AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
- Me: May I ask who is calling?
- AT&T: This is AT&T.
- Me: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
- Me: Hello?
- AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
- Me: May I ask who is calling please?
- AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
- Me: Is this AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
- Me: This is AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?
- Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes sir.
- Me: The phone company?
- AT&T: Yes sir.
- Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
- AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
- Me: I already have a phone.
- AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
- Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.
When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested," but this lady was persistent.
- AT&T: Mr. Byron, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate." I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.
- Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
- AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes
- sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!
- Me: 7 days a week?
- AT&T: That's right.
- Me: 365 days a year?
- AT&T: Yes sir.
- Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
- AT&T: We think so!
- Me: That's quite a sum of money!
- AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
- Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
- AT&T: Excuse me?
- Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
- AT&T: What are you talking about?
- Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
- AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.
- Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T?
- AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......
- Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.
- AT&T: No sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....
- Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
- AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
- Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?
- AT&T: What?
- Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
- AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold.
So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:
- Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
- Me: Yeth?
- Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
- Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
- Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.
I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.
- Me: No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.
- Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
- Me: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.
- AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?
- Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...
- AT&T: (click)
From: http://ping.fm/VS1s0
Hunting in the jungle
Hunting in the jungle
Three men were flying on a plane over the jungle when it crashed. They were the only people who survived. They decided that starting the next morning one of them would go out and make weapons and see if he could kill anything.
So the next morning the first man went out. He didn't come back till about noon. When they saw him they ran to him and helped him carry the deer back to the plane wreckage. They asked him how he killed it.
He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...I kill deer."
So the next morning the second guy set out. He too came back at noon. When they saw him they ran to him and helped him carry the buffalo he had killed back to the plane wreckage. They asked him how he had killed it.
He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...I kill buffalo."
The next morning the third guy went out. The other two were watching and watching for him. When it was almost sundown and he still hadn't returned they started getting worried. Then they saw a person stumbling towards them he looked awful, really bad cuts and a broken arm. They went and helped him to the fire they had made and asked him what had happened.
He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...and...I got hit by a train." Humor
From: http://ping.fm/fnI28
Three men were flying on a plane over the jungle when it crashed. They were the only people who survived. They decided that starting the next morning one of them would go out and make weapons and see if he could kill anything.
So the next morning the first man went out. He didn't come back till about noon. When they saw him they ran to him and helped him carry the deer back to the plane wreckage. They asked him how he killed it.
He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...I kill deer."
So the next morning the second guy set out. He too came back at noon. When they saw him they ran to him and helped him carry the buffalo he had killed back to the plane wreckage. They asked him how he had killed it.
He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...I kill buffalo."
The next morning the third guy went out. The other two were watching and watching for him. When it was almost sundown and he still hadn't returned they started getting worried. Then they saw a person stumbling towards them he looked awful, really bad cuts and a broken arm. They went and helped him to the fire they had made and asked him what had happened.
He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...and...I got hit by a train." Humor
From: http://ping.fm/fnI28
Sunday, October 04, 2009
Friendship is what binds the world together in peace, may we all become friends. I owe! I owe! So off to work I go! I owe! I owe! So off to work I go! http://ping.fm/PM2L5
Alimony
Alimony
"Mr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself." Humor
From: http://ping.fm/HEmGy
"Mr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself." Humor
From: http://ping.fm/HEmGy
Bubba and his Lawyer
Bubba and his Lawyer
Down South, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suin' the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?"
"Yes, Bubba, sure is true." responded the lawyer.
"And now someone's suin' them fast food restaurants for making 'em fat and cloggin' their hearts with all them burgers and fries, is that true mister lawyer?"
"Sure is Bubba. But why you asking?"
"Cause what I want to know is, I was thinkin', can I sue Budweiser for all them ugly women I've slept with ?" Humor
From: http://ping.fm/LSXYd
Down South, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suin' the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?"
"Yes, Bubba, sure is true." responded the lawyer.
"And now someone's suin' them fast food restaurants for making 'em fat and cloggin' their hearts with all them burgers and fries, is that true mister lawyer?"
"Sure is Bubba. But why you asking?"
"Cause what I want to know is, I was thinkin', can I sue Budweiser for all them ugly women I've slept with ?" Humor
From: http://ping.fm/LSXYd
Finally Famous: Born A Thug, Still A Thug - Trick Daddy | Album Reviews > HipHopDX.com (http://ping.fm/R4MIH)
MOMS: Want To Get Your Sexy Back?
MOMS: Want To Get Your Sexy Back?
The Doctors TV, Topic FeedYesterday at 1:44 PM
Are you a Califonia mom who feels she's not the same sexy person she once was? Have you lost your sense of adventure and feel odler than you really are? Do you want to feel sexy, wild and young again inside and out? Do you want to feel as healthy as you were in your 20's full of energy and ten pounds lighter? If so, we want to give your sexy back! Tell us your story!
From: http://ping.fm/0zQGW
The Doctors TV, Topic FeedYesterday at 1:44 PM
Are you a Califonia mom who feels she's not the same sexy person she once was? Have you lost your sense of adventure and feel odler than you really are? Do you want to feel sexy, wild and young again inside and out? Do you want to feel as healthy as you were in your 20's full of energy and ten pounds lighter? If so, we want to give your sexy back! Tell us your story!
From: http://ping.fm/0zQGW
Do you have a flat butt? (OH MY DO I)
IN OTHER WORDS YES I DO
Do you have a flat butt? Have you always wanted curves like Beyonce or Jennifer Lopez? Would you consider getting butt implant?
If you are sick of your flat butt and want help, we want to hear from you!
From: http://ping.fm/sVnjm
Do you have a flat butt? Have you always wanted curves like Beyonce or Jennifer Lopez? Would you consider getting butt implant?
If you are sick of your flat butt and want help, we want to hear from you!
From: http://ping.fm/sVnjm
Saturday, October 03, 2009
Microsoft tech drafted
Microsoft tech drafted
One of Microsoft Network's finest support techs was drafted into the Army and sent to boot camp.
At the rifle range, he was given some instructions, handed a rifle, and a couple rounds of ammo. He loaded the rifle and fired several shots at the target which was fifty yards away.
The report came from the target area that all of his attempts had completely missed the target.
The tech looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then once more at the target. He placed his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand.
The end of his finger was blown off -- whereupon he yelled toward the target area...
"It's leaving here just fine; the trouble must be at your end!"#humor
From: http://ping.fm/5tjUf
One of Microsoft Network's finest support techs was drafted into the Army and sent to boot camp.
At the rifle range, he was given some instructions, handed a rifle, and a couple rounds of ammo. He loaded the rifle and fired several shots at the target which was fifty yards away.
The report came from the target area that all of his attempts had completely missed the target.
The tech looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then once more at the target. He placed his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand.
The end of his finger was blown off -- whereupon he yelled toward the target area...
"It's leaving here just fine; the trouble must be at your end!"#humor
From: http://ping.fm/5tjUf
Lipstick on the mirror
Lipstick on the mirror
According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria,
BC recently was faced with a unique problem.
A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
From: http://ping.fm/iaU7A
According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria,
BC recently was faced with a unique problem.
A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
From: http://ping.fm/iaU7A
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