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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Mirror, Mirror On the Wall,

Mirror, Mirror On the Wall,
Who’s the Cheapest of them all

After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom
thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She
showed him a bottle costing $50.

"That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller
bottle for $30. "That’s still quite a bit," Tom groused. Growing
disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle. Tom grew
agitated, "What I mean," he said, "is I'd like to see something
real cheap."

So the clerk handed him a mirror!

Friday, April 21, 2006

Small World

Small World

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course", comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Scotland", replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Scotland too! Let's have another round to Scotland."

"Of Course", replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Scotland are you from?"

"Aberdeen", comes the reply.

"I can't believe it", says the first man. "I'm from Aberdeen too! Let's have another drink to Aberdeen."

"Of course", replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Andrews", replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Andrews and graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

"What's been going on?", he asks the bartender

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The MacClyde twins are drunk again."

Sunday, April 16, 2006

A man was on his first business trip to Japan, and he decidedto check out the local Whore House. He walked in and wasassigned a young girl with a body that got him "up"immediately. As soon as they reached the room, he startedripping her clothes off and going to town.

Moaning and grunting, the girl was screaming in Japanese,"Wasukima! Wasukima!" He was sure that she was praising him for

his good job, so he kept going harder than ever.

Later, he went golfing with his boss and a few clients.

As the clients were Japanese, he decided to impress them withhis new knowledge of their language. When one of them got ahole in one, he raised his arms and shouted "Wasukima!".

All of the men looked at him quizzically, and one of themasked, "Why are you shouting 'wrong hole'?"

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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

When is a door not a door?

Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing oneanother for some time. After inquiring about each other'shealth one asked how the other's husband was doing."Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up acabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down deadright there in the middle of the vegetable patch!""Oh dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend "What did youdo?""Opened a can of peas instead!"
When is a door not a door?When it is ajar.