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Easy Listening!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Or What?
A man comes to his doctor and tells him that his wife hasn’t had sex with him for 6 months. The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her. So the wife comes into the doctors office and the doc asks her what’s wrong, and why doesn’t she want to have sex with her husband anymore.
The wife tells him, “For the past 6 months, every morning I take a cab to work. I don’t have any money so the cab driver asks me, ‘So are you going to pay today or what?’ so I take a ‘or what’. When I get to work I’m late so the boss asks me, ‘So are we going to write this down in the book or what?’ so I take a ‘or what’.
Back home again I take the cab and again I don’t have any money so the cab driver asks me again, ‘So are you going to pay this time or what?’ so again I take a ‘or what’. So you see doc when I get home I’m all tired out, and I don’t want it any more.”
The doctor thinks for a second and then turns to the wife and says, “So are we going to tell your husband or what?”
This joke provided courtesy of FunnyandJokes.com, all rights reserved.
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View Original Article
Study Ball brings seriously old school methods to child rearing
You can try using positive reinforcement to get your kids to study. But what if that doesn't work? Well then, it's time to try some more medieval methods.
The study ball is a literal ball and chain that comes equipped with a timer. Simply set how long you want your little miscreant to study and attach the ball to their ankle. When the time is up, it'll unlock, allowing them to leave their rooms. Until then, however, it's study time. Or trying to run out of a burning house with a ball and chain time, but let's just hope that doesn't happen.
Hi George!
A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her
company at home.
She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it
wouldn't be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun
to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately
spotted a large beautiful parrot.
She went to the owner of the store and asked how much.
The owner said it was $50. Delighted that such a rare looking
and beautiful bird wasn't more expensive, she agreed to buy it.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first
that this bird used to live in a whorehouse. Sometimes it says
pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the
bird. She said she would buy it anyway.
The petshop owner sold her the bird and she took it home.
She hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it
to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her,
and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought
that's not so bad.
A couple hours later, the woman's two teenage daughters returned
from school. When they inspected the bird, it looked at them and
said, "New house, new madam, new whores."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended at first, but than
began to laugh about the situation. A couple of hours later, the
woman's husband came home from work. The bird looked at him and
said, "New house, new madam, new whores, Hi George!"
View Original Article
company at home.
She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it
wouldn't be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun
to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately
spotted a large beautiful parrot.
She went to the owner of the store and asked how much.
The owner said it was $50. Delighted that such a rare looking
and beautiful bird wasn't more expensive, she agreed to buy it.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first
that this bird used to live in a whorehouse. Sometimes it says
pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the
bird. She said she would buy it anyway.
The petshop owner sold her the bird and she took it home.
She hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it
to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her,
and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought
that's not so bad.
A couple hours later, the woman's two teenage daughters returned
from school. When they inspected the bird, it looked at them and
said, "New house, new madam, new whores."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended at first, but than
began to laugh about the situation. A couple of hours later, the
woman's husband came home from work. The bird looked at him and
said, "New house, new madam, new whores, Hi George!"
View Original Article
Monday, May 18, 2009
The cats diary
The cats diary
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan ......
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time.
Source: http://ping.fm/JYcr5
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan ......
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time.
Source: http://ping.fm/JYcr5
Cowboy Boots
Cowboy Boots
An elderly couple is vacationing in the West.
Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots.
Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them back to the hotel, walking proudly.
He walks into their hotel room and says to his wife, "Notice anything different, Helen?"
Helen looks him over, "Nope."
Sam says excitedly, "Come on, Helen, take a good look. Notice anything different about me?"
Helen looks again, "Nope."
Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for his boots.
Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything
DIFFERENT?"
Helen looks up and says, "Sam, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Sam yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, HELEN? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!"
To which Helen replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Sam, shoulda bought a hat."
Original Source: http://ping.fm/UmqNk
An elderly couple is vacationing in the West.
Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots.
Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them back to the hotel, walking proudly.
He walks into their hotel room and says to his wife, "Notice anything different, Helen?"
Helen looks him over, "Nope."
Sam says excitedly, "Come on, Helen, take a good look. Notice anything different about me?"
Helen looks again, "Nope."
Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for his boots.
Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything
DIFFERENT?"
Helen looks up and says, "Sam, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Sam yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, HELEN? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!"
To which Helen replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Sam, shoulda bought a hat."
Original Source: http://ping.fm/UmqNk
Monday, May 11, 2009
Has Amazon Started a Price War?
Has Amazon Started a Price War?
Thursday April 9, 2009
This week, the iTunes Store started selling its 10 million+ songs without DRM copy protection (aka iTunes Plus) and introduced its new variable pricing structure. Operating at three pricing levels, you can purchase a song for $0.79, $0.99, or $1.29 depending on factors such as a song's age and popularity. The problem is, if you want to purchase a top 100 track, you'll now have to pay $1.29 instead of $0.99. You may argue that the extra 30 cents is worth it for a DRM-free track, and you'd probably have a good point - until you check out Amazon's prices.
In the highly competitive music downloads market, Amazon has ensured that the cost of most of its popular selling tracks are below the asking price of the iTunes Store. At the time of writing, Black Eyed Peas 'Boom Boom Pow' single for example is 30 cents cheaper if purchased from Amazon MP3. Another top selling single, Blame It (Featuring T. Pain) by Jamie Foxx, can also be downloaded from the Amazon MP3 store for 99 cents compared to $1.29 from the iTunes Store.
Wal-Mart also has a pricing structure that is more competitive than Apple. Songs can be purchased using their 3-tier system for $0.64, $0.94, and $1.24. How long before other music services feel the strain and join in on the looming price war
Source: http://ping.fm/wmJZk
Thursday April 9, 2009
This week, the iTunes Store started selling its 10 million+ songs without DRM copy protection (aka iTunes Plus) and introduced its new variable pricing structure. Operating at three pricing levels, you can purchase a song for $0.79, $0.99, or $1.29 depending on factors such as a song's age and popularity. The problem is, if you want to purchase a top 100 track, you'll now have to pay $1.29 instead of $0.99. You may argue that the extra 30 cents is worth it for a DRM-free track, and you'd probably have a good point - until you check out Amazon's prices.
In the highly competitive music downloads market, Amazon has ensured that the cost of most of its popular selling tracks are below the asking price of the iTunes Store. At the time of writing, Black Eyed Peas 'Boom Boom Pow' single for example is 30 cents cheaper if purchased from Amazon MP3. Another top selling single, Blame It (Featuring T. Pain) by Jamie Foxx, can also be downloaded from the Amazon MP3 store for 99 cents compared to $1.29 from the iTunes Store.
Wal-Mart also has a pricing structure that is more competitive than Apple. Songs can be purchased using their 3-tier system for $0.64, $0.94, and $1.24. How long before other music services feel the strain and join in on the looming price war
Source: http://ping.fm/wmJZk
Idiot rescue
Idiot rescue
Once upon a time there were two men who had gone cliff climbing.
Suddenly, one man lost his footing and went tumbling down to the bottom. The other man frantically screamed, "Roger!", and was relieved to hear a faint reply.
"Okay Rodge," shouted Barry, "I'm gonna throw a rope down to you, so wrap it 'round one of your legs and.." but before he could finish, he heard Roger call "But both my legs are broke."
Barry suggested his arms, to which the reply was "They're broken too!" So finally, Roger held on with his mouth. Barry struggled to pull up the rope, and when he was nearly there, Barry said, "You right there mate?" to which Rodger replied,"YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS........"
View Original
http://ping.fm/mZ2Rm
Once upon a time there were two men who had gone cliff climbing.
Suddenly, one man lost his footing and went tumbling down to the bottom. The other man frantically screamed, "Roger!", and was relieved to hear a faint reply.
"Okay Rodge," shouted Barry, "I'm gonna throw a rope down to you, so wrap it 'round one of your legs and.." but before he could finish, he heard Roger call "But both my legs are broke."
Barry suggested his arms, to which the reply was "They're broken too!" So finally, Roger held on with his mouth. Barry struggled to pull up the rope, and when he was nearly there, Barry said, "You right there mate?" to which Rodger replied,"YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS........"
View Original
http://ping.fm/mZ2Rm
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Stimulus spurs growth in green jobs
Experts agree that green jobs are real, they�re nationwide and they�re multiplying. There are 750,000 to 4 million green jobs available in America � and the sector is growing quickly.
Story continues below ?
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Ciara Talks Steamy 'Love Sex Magic' Video With Justin Timberlake 'I had to lick his ear and do all that fun stuff,' singer says of track from Fantasy Ride
NEW YORK � As if Justin Timberlake weren't already one of the luckiest guys in the world, he had to "suffer" through grueling take after take during Ciara's steamy video shoot for "Love Sex Magic."
"Let me tell you � it's so funny, I have to say this," Ciara said to MTV News over the weekend. "I had to lick his ear and do all that fun stuff and bite it. And he had a moment where he was kind of licking on my neck. We were both going back and forth. We were really just freestyling. And Miss Diane [Martel, the director] wanted something edgy, and we all wanted to find a cool way to do it. And that just felt right.
"It was really funny because you would have moments where she would go, 'What we're gonna do now is the licking and the kissing on the neck and we're gonna do this take, then cut. OK, we need one more take of that,' " Ciara continued. "And so it's licking on the neck, again, then his biting on my neck, again. It was really funny."
The fellas might not exactly be cracking up at JT's misfortune, but Ciara said the entire experience of working with Timberlake was by far one of the best of her young career. Timberlake, who is featured on the song, also co-produced "Love Sex Magic" � from her Fantasy Ride LP, out Tuesday (May 5) � and had a hand in writing the number. Ciara said she rarely has a chance to actually venture into the studio to collaborate with artists; usually, the opportunity for a guest to contribute arises after she's recorded a song.
"I actually went into the studio to make the record from scratch, or he had the record there for me, but us being together was a very rare case I've had over the years," she explained. "It was really, really fun. He's very passionate about the work and down to earth. His attitude is just amazing.
"I was very excited about sprinkling that flavor on the album, because this record is about sharing the many sides of me and I wanted to make sure there was something for everybody on it and that record is another reflection of where I'm at [right now]."
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