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Saturday, September 26, 2009

Love is the only fabric that when washed in the fountain of
adversity and grief, comes out untouched. Siglet

Not another virus

Not another virus


If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes" delete it immediately. Do not open it! It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.

It demagnetises the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.
It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.

It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
It will drink all your beer.
It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.

Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears.
It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye.

It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.
It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change theinterpretations of key sentences.

If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.

It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam.
It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like dill pickles.

It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

These are just a few signs of infection...#Humor

From: http://ping.fm/4Oyio

Asylum fence

Asylum fence

A guy is walking past a high, solid wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"

He continues walking along the long fence, but, being a curious person, he can't help but wonder why they are chanting "Thirteen!" over and over. Could it be that they are chugging beer? Are they perhaps taking turns beating one of the inmates? Maybe they are counting the number of patients that have leapt off of the roof thus far.

His curiosity peaks and he frantically searches for a hole in the fence so that he may see what is going on. Finally, he spots one a few feet ahead. The hole is low in the fence and he has to kneel down to peer inside.

He moves into position and peeks into the hole. As he looks in, someone inside pokes him in the eye! Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!" "jokes

From: http://ping.fm/orARz

Monday, September 21, 2009

In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many of
them you can get through, but how many can get through to you.
. - Mortimer Adler--American philosopher quote

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Growing Old...

Growing Old...
I'm so depressed...I went to the Dr.today and he refused to
write me a prescription for Viagra. Said it would be like putting
a new flagpole on a condemned building.




Many complain of their looks, but none of their brains.

Life's Quips...
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have
never forgotten this.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.-Groucho Marx
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.-Groucho Marx


A friend is a present you give to yourself. - Robert Louis

"The believer is happy. The doubter is wise."
-- Hungarian proverb

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small
minds discuss people.
Make every day good to the last drop.. nobody gets out alive in
the end anyway!

Todays siglets

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what
feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist
whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a
doormat. - Rebecca West, 1913

"Darling," she whispered after they had finished making love,
"Will you still make love like that to me after we're married
?"He considered this for a moment, and then replied, "I think
so. I've always been especially fond of married women." (MyShwana's LHAO)

Friends stab you in the back.
True friends stab you in the front.
Best friends help you kick their asses.
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more
often. (Hehe)
As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they
reward me in many ways to keep me quiet

Friday, September 18, 2009

Life's Quips...
Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately, it kills all its

Bus load of politicians

Bus load of politicians

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer told him he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"

The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."

From: http://ping.fm/KGNcz

Funeral arrangements

Funeral arrangements

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been.

"Sidney thought of everything," she told them. "Just before he died, Sidney called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes. 'Tillie,' he told me, 'I have put all my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have instructed. Then, I can rest in peace'."

"What was in the envelopes?" her friends asked.

"The first envelope contained $5,000 with a note, 'Please use this money to buy a nice casket.' So I bought a beautiful mahogany casket with such a comfortable lining that I know Sidney is resting very comfortably."

"The second envelope contained $10,000 with a note, 'Please use this for anice funeral 'I arranged Sidney a very dignified funeral and bought all his favorite foods for everyone attending."

"And the third envelope?" asked her friends.
"The third envelope contained $25,000 with a note, 'Please use this to buy a nice stone.'"

Holding her hand in the air, Tillie said...
"So, do you like my stone?" showing off her 10 carat diamond ring.

From: http://ping.fm/zPSfC

The lumberjack

The lumberjack

A LARGE, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack.

The very next day, a skinny little guy showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to scram.

"Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man.
"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack.
"Take your axe and go cut it down!"

The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door. "I cut the tree down," said the little man.

The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"

"In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man.
"You mean the Sahara Desert," said the lumberjack.

The little man laughed and answered back...
"Oh sure, that's what they call it now!
#jokes, Humor,

From: http://ping.fm/00MZg


You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you
can't wipe your friends on the couch.
#jokes, one-Liners
Words of Wisdom...
A computer terminal is not some clunky old television with a
typewriter in front of it. It is an interface where the mind
and body can connect with the universe and move bits of it
about. (from Mostly Harmless) - Douglas Adams
Growing Old...
Life is what passes you by while you're busy making other

Monday, September 14, 2009

YouTube - 50 Cent Offers Kanye a Knuckle Sandwich

Just a big fan, and my boy at it again

From: http://ping.fm/zAON6

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Funny Speeding Joke

Funny Speeding Joke
Posted on July 4, 2009 by quotes


A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an
hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following
her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed.

When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles
following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she
looked around, there were three cops following her.

Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She
screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies’ room. Ten
minutes later, she innocently walked out.

The three cops were standing there waiting for her. Then,
without batting an eye, she said coyly, “I’ll bet none of
you thought I would make it.

From: http://ping.fm/L4PjP

Friday, September 11, 2009

Top 10 Motivational Posters Of All Time | Funny and Jokes (http://ping.fm/uPbrJ)

A Marriage Made In Heaven | Funny and Jokes

One rainy Sunday afternoon, a young couple were on their way to their Church to get married. On the way there, their car lost control and slammed into a telephone pole – killing them both instantly.

Saint Peter In Heaven JokeThe couple soon found themselves standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, welcoming them to Heaven. The young woman asks Peter if they could get married in Heaven, since their time on Earth was cut short. He replies that he’ll get back with them on that request.

A month later, St. Peter finds them and announces that they can – in fact – get arried in Heaven. To his suprise, the woman asks “Just wondering, if things don’t work out will we be able to get a divorce?”

With a stern look in his eye, Peter blurts out “Look lady, it took me a month to find a preacher up here… you really think I’m gonna find a lawyer?”

From: http://ping.fm/NVSrv

Crazy Act of Bravery by Police Officer

Crazy Act of Bravery by Police Officer
June 22nd, 2009 · 10 Comments

Here is a strange little story about bravery in the line of duty? Real brave officers tasers a 72 year old woman?

A 72-year-old woman who refused to sign her speeding ticket got out of her truck and dared a deputy to shock her with a Taser. So he did. Video released by a Travis County Constable’s Office shows Kathryn Winkfein hitting the ground and moaning while the shocks jolted through her body after the May 11 confrontation with Travis County Sheriff’s Deputy Chris Bieze.

Winkfein was stopped for driving 60 mph (96 kilometre) in a 45-mph (72-kilometre) zone just west of Austin. A dashboard camera in the deputy’s car shows the 4-foot-11 (1.5 metres) Winkfein refusing to sign her speeding ticket, getting out of her white pickup truck and cursing at the deputy constable.

Bieze then pushes her to get her away from traffic. “If you don’t step back, you’re going to get Tased,” Bieze says. “Go ahead, Tase me,” Winkfein says. “I dare you.”

The video shows Bieze using the Taser and Winkfein hitting the ground and moaning in pain. “Put your hands behind your back or you’re going to be Tased again,” Bieze yells, and then hits her with another jolt. Travis County Sheriff Greg Hamilton, whose office does not oversee the constables, issued a statement Wednesday saying:

“I do not personally agree with the actions of the deputy constable as they are shown in the video. When I look at the video I am in awe of what happened.” Winkfein was eventually charged with resisting arrest, a misdemeanour punishable by up to a year in jail and fines up to $4,000.

A telephone message left with Constable Sgt. Maj. Gary Griffin of the constable’s office was not immediately returned Wednesday. Telephone calls to a number listed for Kathryn Winkfein in Marble Falls, about 50 miles (80 kilometres) west of Austin, went unanswered.

Griffin has defended Bieze’s actions and said that Winkfein was belligerent and difficult to handle. Winkfein previously told Austin television station KTBC that she didn’t believe she deserved to be shocked. “I wasn’t argumentative, I was not combative. This is a lie,” she told the station. This cop should definitely receive a medal for this act of bravery, I am sure his fellow officers will not let him live this one down.

Tags: Of the Weird · Offbeat Stuff · Might Be True · Odd Accomplisments

From: http://ping.fm/F2v6L