The Mammogram

Mr. Schneider stood up in court.

"As God is my judge, I do not owe my ex-wife any money."

Glaring down at him, the judge replied, "He's not. I am. You do." ===========================================

Hitchhiking Woman

A traveling saleswoman is driving toward home in Arizona when she sees an Indian woman hitchhiking. She stops the car and the Indian woman gets in.

After a bit of small talk, the Indian woman notices a brown bag on the front seat. "What's in the bag?", she asks. "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband".

The Indian woman is silent for a while, then nods and says, "You made a good trade".

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The Mammogram

This is an x-ray that has its own name because no one wants to
actually say the word breast. Mammograms require your breasts
to do gymnastics. If you have extremely agile breasts, you
should do fine. Most breasts however, pretty much hang around
doing nothing in particular so they are woefully unprepared.
But you can prepare for a mammogram right at home using these
simple exercises:


1. Refrigerate two bookends overnight. Lay one of your breasts
(either will do) between the two bookends and smash the
bookends together as hard as you can. Repeat three times daily.


2. Locate a pasta maker or old wringer washer. Feed the breast
into the machine and start cranking. Repeat twice daily.


3. (Advanced) Situate yourself comfortably on your side on the
garage floor. Place one of your breasts snugly behind the rear
tire of the family van. When you give the signal, hubby will
slowly ease the car into reverse. Hold for five seconds. Repeat
on the other side.

Quotes...

Friendship is constant in all other things,

Save in the office and affairs of love. - William Shakespeare