Politics:
What is new in our time is the increased power of the
authorities to enforce their own prejudices.
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Easy Listening!
Monday, November 03, 2008
A Lesson in Church
A Lesson in Church
A man and his wife were sitting in church, the man was sleeping and his wife was knitting.The priest asked "Who created the Earth and man?"The woman poked the man with her knitting needle and the man screamed, "GOD!"The Priest looked at him and said, "That's right."
Then he asked "Who is God's son?"Once more the woman poked her husband with the needle, he woke up and screamed, "Jesus Christ!" Again, the priest said, "Correct."
Finally, the priest asked, "What did Eve say to Adam when she didn't want any more children?"The knitter poked her husband again, but this time he screamed "Poke me with that thing one more time and I'm going to rip it off!"The priest smiled and said, "That's right."
Link: http://ping.fm/9G3Dj
A man and his wife were sitting in church, the man was sleeping and his wife was knitting.The priest asked "Who created the Earth and man?"The woman poked the man with her knitting needle and the man screamed, "GOD!"The Priest looked at him and said, "That's right."
Then he asked "Who is God's son?"Once more the woman poked her husband with the needle, he woke up and screamed, "Jesus Christ!" Again, the priest said, "Correct."
Finally, the priest asked, "What did Eve say to Adam when she didn't want any more children?"The knitter poked her husband again, but this time he screamed "Poke me with that thing one more time and I'm going to rip it off!"The priest smiled and said, "That's right."
Link: http://ping.fm/9G3Dj
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Singing bird
Singing bird
A guy walked into a pet store looking for a Christmas gift for his wife. The storekeeper said he knew exactly what would please her and took a little bird out of its cage.
"This is Chet," he said, "and Chet can sing Christmas carols and songs." Seeing the look of disbelief on the customer's face, he proceeded to demonstrate.
"He needs warming up," he said. "Lend me your cigarette lighter."
The storekeeper lifted Chet's left wing and waved the flame lightly under it. Immediately, Chet sang: Oh Come, All Ye Faithful.
"That's fantastic," said the customer.
"And listen to this," said the storekeeper, warming Chet's other wing.
Chet sang: O Little Town of Bethlehem.
"Wrap him up," said the customer, "I'll take him!"
When he got home he greeted his wife: "Honey, I can't wait until Christmas to show you what I got you. This is fantastic."
He unwrapped Chet's cage and showed the bird to his wife. "Now, watch and listen."
He raised Chet's left wing and held him over a Christmas candle that was burning on the mantlepiece. Chet immediately began to sing Silent Night. The wife was delighted. As Chet's right wing was warmed over the flame, he sang Joy To The World.
"Let me try it," said the wife, seizing he bird. In her eagerness, she held Chet a little too close to the candle flame. Chet began to sing passionately:
"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire!
Link: http://ping.fm/hWC8e
A guy walked into a pet store looking for a Christmas gift for his wife. The storekeeper said he knew exactly what would please her and took a little bird out of its cage.
"This is Chet," he said, "and Chet can sing Christmas carols and songs." Seeing the look of disbelief on the customer's face, he proceeded to demonstrate.
"He needs warming up," he said. "Lend me your cigarette lighter."
The storekeeper lifted Chet's left wing and waved the flame lightly under it. Immediately, Chet sang: Oh Come, All Ye Faithful.
"That's fantastic," said the customer.
"And listen to this," said the storekeeper, warming Chet's other wing.
Chet sang: O Little Town of Bethlehem.
"Wrap him up," said the customer, "I'll take him!"
When he got home he greeted his wife: "Honey, I can't wait until Christmas to show you what I got you. This is fantastic."
He unwrapped Chet's cage and showed the bird to his wife. "Now, watch and listen."
He raised Chet's left wing and held him over a Christmas candle that was burning on the mantlepiece. Chet immediately began to sing Silent Night. The wife was delighted. As Chet's right wing was warmed over the flame, he sang Joy To The World.
"Let me try it," said the wife, seizing he bird. In her eagerness, she held Chet a little too close to the candle flame. Chet began to sing passionately:
"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire!
Link: http://ping.fm/hWC8e
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Blog title...JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE - TIMBERLAKE TO HOST BENEFIT SHOW
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE will be joined by THE JONAS BROTHERS, RIHANNA and 50 CENT as he hosts a children's charity performance.
The SexyBack singer will compere the show, entitled Justin Timberlake and Friends: A Special Evening Benefiting the Shriners Hospitals for Children, which will also feature performances from Adam Levine from Maroon 5, Leona Lewis, and Boyz II Men.
The show will take place on Friday (17Oct08) at the Planet Hollywood Resort Theatre for the Performing Arts in Las Vegas.
10/14/2008 07:07:09 PM
Link: http://ping.fm/rkovH
The SexyBack singer will compere the show, entitled Justin Timberlake and Friends: A Special Evening Benefiting the Shriners Hospitals for Children, which will also feature performances from Adam Levine from Maroon 5, Leona Lewis, and Boyz II Men.
The show will take place on Friday (17Oct08) at the Planet Hollywood Resort Theatre for the Performing Arts in Las Vegas.
10/14/2008 07:07:09 PM
Link: http://ping.fm/rkovH
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
50 Cent Unleashes His Fourth Album Before I Self Destruct
Superstar Also Makes His Directorial Debut with Before I Self Destruct, a
90-minute Original Film
NEW YORK, Oct. 13 /PRNewswire/ -- 50 Cent exploded onto the music scene
with his blockbuster debut Get Rich Or Die Tryin'. Now he's set to deliver
his fourth major label album, Before I Self Destruct
(Shady/Aftermath/Interscope), on December 9, 2008.
For the explosive Before I Self Destruct, 50 Cent returned to working
closely with Dr. Dre and Eminem as he did on his first album. But Before I
Self Destruct is more than an album. The package also includes a DVD with
an original, gritty, feature-length movie he wrote, directed and starred
in. 50 Cent proves with Before I Self Destruct that no one on the hip-hop
scene is more aggressive about putting the street on stage.
With Dr. Dre and Eminem each producing and guesting on tracks, and led
by the club-friendly first single, "Get Up," produced by Scott Storch,
Before I Self Destruct is darker and harder than last year's Curtis. 50
Cent wrote much of the album while he, as Curtis Jackson, was also penning
the 90-minute film of the same name that would be his directorial debut.
The film Before I Self Destruct is a coming of age story about an inner
city youth raised by a hardworking single mother. When his dream of
becoming a basketball player fails to materialize, he finds himself
employed in a supermarket. After his mother is tragically gunned down,
Clarence (played by Jackson) is consumed by revenge and takes up a life of
crime in order to support his younger brother.
"My film captures the harsh realities that reflect so many communities
today. There will be some who will greatly identify with the characters and
the situations presented and then there will be others who may be shocked
at the struggles that go on in the inner city," states 50 Cent. "I made the
film for both groups."
Before I Self Destruct, both album and film, continues 50 Cent's
phenomenal rise from street culture hero to superstardom. 2003's Get Rich
Or Die Tryin' sold 872,000 units in the first four days of its release,
making it the fastest-selling debut disc in the SoundScan era (since 1991).
The #1 Pop, #1 R&B/Hip-hop album was the biggest seller of 2003 and has
sold more than 12 million copies worldwide.
2005's The Massacre, again #1 Pop, #1 R&B/Hip-hop, was the second
biggest-selling album of that year and has sold more than nine million
copies worldwide. With the album's "Candy Shop," "Disco Inferno" and "How
We Do," 50 Cent became the first solo artist in Billboard history to have
three singles in the Top 5 in the same week.
2007's Curtis reached #2 Pop and #2 R&B/Hip-hop, selling more than five
million copies worldwide. Three tracks reached the Top 40 of the Hot 100:
"I Get Money," "Ayo Technology" and "Straight To The Bank." Time magazine
named "I Get Money" one of "The 10 Best Songs of 2007."
Thanks to Curtis, 50 Cent was honored as the year's Best-Selling
Hip-hop Artist at the 2007 World Music Awards. His music career has also
been marked by an impressive 13 Grammy nominations, from Best New Artist to
Best Rap Album.
In addition to his record label, G-Unit Records, 50 Cent has enjoyed
enormous global success across a vast array of entrepreneurial ventures,
including videogames, books, clothing, footwear, beverages, personal care
products, automotive and more. He has also starred in a handful of films,
including 2005's semi-autobiographical Get Rich Or Die Tryin', Al Pacino
and Robert De Niro's Righteous Kill and now Before I Self Destruct.
BEFORE I SELF DESTRUCT TRAILER:
http://ping.fm/9kApJ
Link: http://ping.fm/n9LAc
SOURCE Interscope Records
90-minute Original Film
NEW YORK, Oct. 13 /PRNewswire/ -- 50 Cent exploded onto the music scene
with his blockbuster debut Get Rich Or Die Tryin'. Now he's set to deliver
his fourth major label album, Before I Self Destruct
(Shady/Aftermath/Interscope), on December 9, 2008.
For the explosive Before I Self Destruct, 50 Cent returned to working
closely with Dr. Dre and Eminem as he did on his first album. But Before I
Self Destruct is more than an album. The package also includes a DVD with
an original, gritty, feature-length movie he wrote, directed and starred
in. 50 Cent proves with Before I Self Destruct that no one on the hip-hop
scene is more aggressive about putting the street on stage.
With Dr. Dre and Eminem each producing and guesting on tracks, and led
by the club-friendly first single, "Get Up," produced by Scott Storch,
Before I Self Destruct is darker and harder than last year's Curtis. 50
Cent wrote much of the album while he, as Curtis Jackson, was also penning
the 90-minute film of the same name that would be his directorial debut.
The film Before I Self Destruct is a coming of age story about an inner
city youth raised by a hardworking single mother. When his dream of
becoming a basketball player fails to materialize, he finds himself
employed in a supermarket. After his mother is tragically gunned down,
Clarence (played by Jackson) is consumed by revenge and takes up a life of
crime in order to support his younger brother.
"My film captures the harsh realities that reflect so many communities
today. There will be some who will greatly identify with the characters and
the situations presented and then there will be others who may be shocked
at the struggles that go on in the inner city," states 50 Cent. "I made the
film for both groups."
Before I Self Destruct, both album and film, continues 50 Cent's
phenomenal rise from street culture hero to superstardom. 2003's Get Rich
Or Die Tryin' sold 872,000 units in the first four days of its release,
making it the fastest-selling debut disc in the SoundScan era (since 1991).
The #1 Pop, #1 R&B/Hip-hop album was the biggest seller of 2003 and has
sold more than 12 million copies worldwide.
2005's The Massacre, again #1 Pop, #1 R&B/Hip-hop, was the second
biggest-selling album of that year and has sold more than nine million
copies worldwide. With the album's "Candy Shop," "Disco Inferno" and "How
We Do," 50 Cent became the first solo artist in Billboard history to have
three singles in the Top 5 in the same week.
2007's Curtis reached #2 Pop and #2 R&B/Hip-hop, selling more than five
million copies worldwide. Three tracks reached the Top 40 of the Hot 100:
"I Get Money," "Ayo Technology" and "Straight To The Bank." Time magazine
named "I Get Money" one of "The 10 Best Songs of 2007."
Thanks to Curtis, 50 Cent was honored as the year's Best-Selling
Hip-hop Artist at the 2007 World Music Awards. His music career has also
been marked by an impressive 13 Grammy nominations, from Best New Artist to
Best Rap Album.
In addition to his record label, G-Unit Records, 50 Cent has enjoyed
enormous global success across a vast array of entrepreneurial ventures,
including videogames, books, clothing, footwear, beverages, personal care
products, automotive and more. He has also starred in a handful of films,
including 2005's semi-autobiographical Get Rich Or Die Tryin', Al Pacino
and Robert De Niro's Righteous Kill and now Before I Self Destruct.
BEFORE I SELF DESTRUCT TRAILER:
http://ping.fm/9kApJ
Link: http://ping.fm/n9LAc
SOURCE Interscope Records
Set it free
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If it just sits in your living room, eats your food, messes up your stuff, takes, your money, and never behaves as if you set it free in the first place, then you either married or gave birth to it.
Link: http://ping.fm/0zFZI
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If it just sits in your living room, eats your food, messes up your stuff, takes, your money, and never behaves as if you set it free in the first place, then you either married or gave birth to it.
Link: http://ping.fm/0zFZI
Words women use
Words women use
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed; this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine."
GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome...
Source:http://ping.fm/1shCt
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed; this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine."
GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome...
Source:http://ping.fm/1shCt
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Monday, October 06, 2008
I ran into a stranger
I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."
We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said good-bye.
But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.
He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.
While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,
"While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.
Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.
He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."
By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.
"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."
I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway."
I said, "Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."
"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."
We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said good-bye.
But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.
He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.
While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,
"While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.
Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.
He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."
By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.
"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."
I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway."
I said, "Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."
IDIOTS AT WORK
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the
clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the
credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the
transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she
explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the
credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt.
So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully
compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt.
As luck would have it, they matched.
Link:http://ping.fm/KDnW9
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the
clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the
credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the
transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she
explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the
credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt.
So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully
compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt.
As luck would have it, they matched.
Link:http://ping.fm/KDnW9
Humor
A blind man is standing at the corner with his seeing eye dog waiting
to cross the street,
when his pooch lifts his leg and pisses down the side of his nice
herringbone tweed
trousers. The guy immediately reaches into his jacket pocket and
retrieves a doggie biscuit
which he starts to offer to Fido.
A businessman, who is also waiting to cross the street, observes this
happening and
interrupts, "Excuse me buddy, but are you aware of the fact that your
dog just pissed all
down the leg of your pants?"
"Yes, I'm trying to break him of this dreadful habit", replies the
blind man.
"Well, it's none of my business," says the onlooker, "but you're not
going to teach him
much by rewarding him with a biscuit!"
To which the blind fellow chuckles, "Oh I'm not rewarding him. I'm
just trying to find his
head so I can kick his ass!"
Link: http://ping.fm/KDnW9
to cross the street,
when his pooch lifts his leg and pisses down the side of his nice
herringbone tweed
trousers. The guy immediately reaches into his jacket pocket and
retrieves a doggie biscuit
which he starts to offer to Fido.
A businessman, who is also waiting to cross the street, observes this
happening and
interrupts, "Excuse me buddy, but are you aware of the fact that your
dog just pissed all
down the leg of your pants?"
"Yes, I'm trying to break him of this dreadful habit", replies the
blind man.
"Well, it's none of my business," says the onlooker, "but you're not
going to teach him
much by rewarding him with a biscuit!"
To which the blind fellow chuckles, "Oh I'm not rewarding him. I'm
just trying to find his
head so I can kick his ass!"
Link: http://ping.fm/KDnW9
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Borrowing the car
Borrowing the car
A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and inquired of his father, an evangelist, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father took him into his study and said to the boy, "I'll make a deal with you, son. You bring your grades up from a C to a B, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut, then we'll talk about the car."
Well, the boy thought about that for a moment, and decided that he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks, the boy came back and again asked his father about using the car. Again, they went to the study, where his father said, "Son , I've been real proud of you. You've brought your grades up, and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, and participating a lot more in the Bible study class on Sunday morning. But, I'm real disappointed, since you haven't gotten your hair cut."
The young man paused a moment, and then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair."
His father replied, "You're right, son. Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?"
Link: http://ping.fm/WJ2fn
A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and inquired of his father, an evangelist, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father took him into his study and said to the boy, "I'll make a deal with you, son. You bring your grades up from a C to a B, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut, then we'll talk about the car."
Well, the boy thought about that for a moment, and decided that he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks, the boy came back and again asked his father about using the car. Again, they went to the study, where his father said, "Son , I've been real proud of you. You've brought your grades up, and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, and participating a lot more in the Bible study class on Sunday morning. But, I'm real disappointed, since you haven't gotten your hair cut."
The young man paused a moment, and then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair."
His father replied, "You're right, son. Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?"
Link: http://ping.fm/WJ2fn
Walking Economy
A guy is walking down the street with his friend.
He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy."
His friend replies, "How's that?"
"It's like this -- my hair line is in recession,
my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the
combination of these factors is putting me into
a deep depression."
http://ping.fm/WKTp2
A guy is walking down the street with his friend.
He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy."
His friend replies, "How's that?"
"It's like this -- my hair line is in recession,
my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the
combination of these factors is putting me into
a deep depression."
http://ping.fm/WKTp2
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
An old country doctor
An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.
It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor
arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year
old child.
The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see
while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the
mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new
born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take
his first breath.
"Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there
in the first place!!"
Link: http://ping.fm/zAHaX
It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor
arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year
old child.
The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see
while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the
mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new
born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take
his first breath.
"Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there
in the first place!!"
Link: http://ping.fm/zAHaX
Friday, September 26, 2008
DateLife NYC
DateLife NYC
© By Liza J. Kaplan
Warning: May be inappropriate for anyone in earshot
Dating is tough for a gal in the city
Cuz brains aren't enough and most guys just ain't pretty.
So let's get down to details both nitty and gritty,
And you'll see that it needn't always seem so shitty.
Though most guys aren't cute,
The numbers are ample
And it's less overwhelming to start with a sample.
So let's check out some options on becoming a twosome,
(And if that doesn't work you can always just screw some.)
With a click and a drag of your mouse you'll find guys,
Though some things are better off left to surprise.
As he sheds off his screenname of BigJew4You,
You choke back the tears as you try not to spew.
He's a bit of a freak, it is sad but it's true,
But the real horror is that you know you're one too.
So to see if your true personalities mesh,
It's safer to meet face to face, in the flesh.
When you discover there're choices there's always speed-dating,
Some guys are exciting, while some leave you hating.
But it's all in good fun with the prospect of mating,
It can be quite interesting. Translation: degrading.
Though there are many men on the streets of New York,
He might not keep kosher, aka-he eats pork,
But unless you are ready for a wedding and a stork,
You'll be lucky to find one who knows how to fork.
Though it sometimes feels hopeless, that just isn't so,
Remember that each trial helps you to grow,
So until your Prince Charming rides in on that horse,
Enjoy the adventure though it may seem off course.
Still it's true that dating is often quite scary,
Some young guys are bald, while others are hairy.
Neither of which you are dying to marry,
'Specially if he's 'friends' with a Tom, Dick or Larry.
So beware of speed dating and the internet site,
And believe me dear ladies, I too take this plight,
So until you should stumble upon Mr. Right,
Happy Dating to all, and to all a good fright!
Link: http://ping.fm/8hS4u
© By Liza J. Kaplan
Warning: May be inappropriate for anyone in earshot
Dating is tough for a gal in the city
Cuz brains aren't enough and most guys just ain't pretty.
So let's get down to details both nitty and gritty,
And you'll see that it needn't always seem so shitty.
Though most guys aren't cute,
The numbers are ample
And it's less overwhelming to start with a sample.
So let's check out some options on becoming a twosome,
(And if that doesn't work you can always just screw some.)
With a click and a drag of your mouse you'll find guys,
Though some things are better off left to surprise.
As he sheds off his screenname of BigJew4You,
You choke back the tears as you try not to spew.
He's a bit of a freak, it is sad but it's true,
But the real horror is that you know you're one too.
So to see if your true personalities mesh,
It's safer to meet face to face, in the flesh.
When you discover there're choices there's always speed-dating,
Some guys are exciting, while some leave you hating.
But it's all in good fun with the prospect of mating,
It can be quite interesting. Translation: degrading.
Though there are many men on the streets of New York,
He might not keep kosher, aka-he eats pork,
But unless you are ready for a wedding and a stork,
You'll be lucky to find one who knows how to fork.
Though it sometimes feels hopeless, that just isn't so,
Remember that each trial helps you to grow,
So until your Prince Charming rides in on that horse,
Enjoy the adventure though it may seem off course.
Still it's true that dating is often quite scary,
Some young guys are bald, while others are hairy.
Neither of which you are dying to marry,
'Specially if he's 'friends' with a Tom, Dick or Larry.
So beware of speed dating and the internet site,
And believe me dear ladies, I too take this plight,
So until you should stumble upon Mr. Right,
Happy Dating to all, and to all a good fright!
Link: http://ping.fm/8hS4u
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Girlfriend 1.0 (LMAO) GEEKY
Girlfriend 1.0
I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it.
I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works okay.
Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility.I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly. He was right - as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.
Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shutdown for a while.
I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my system. I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is in some obscure language that I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how GirlFriend was totally "object-oriented."
A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0.So he did, but soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus.Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw, which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off.
I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.
Link: http://ping.fm/YE4Cq
I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it.
I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works okay.
Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility.I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly. He was right - as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.
Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shutdown for a while.
I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my system. I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is in some obscure language that I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how GirlFriend was totally "object-oriented."
A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0.So he did, but soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus.Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw, which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off.
I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.
Link: http://ping.fm/YE4Cq
Iron Man and Spidey Team Up in IRON MAN'S ADV
This cool Iron Man cartoon over at the new site Marvelkids.com looks to be the first of three CGI cartoons by ULTIMATE ALLIANCE animators Blur Studios. According to Marvel, this "Marvel Adventures Iron Man advervideo" is "a thrilling, cutting-edge adventure!"
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Escaped Prisoner (LMAO)
Escaped Prisoner
A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.", to which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, I love you, too."
Link: http://ping.fm/O6gp0
A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.", to which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, I love you, too."
Link: http://ping.fm/O6gp0
The Worst Age
The Worst Age
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old.
"You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand
at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you
can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet
all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "80 is the worst age of all!"
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse
on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old.
"No, I crap every morning at 6:30."
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this
straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30.
So what's so tough about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00!"
Source: JokeGallery*dot*com
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old.
"You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand
at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you
can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet
all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "80 is the worst age of all!"
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse
on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old.
"No, I crap every morning at 6:30."
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this
straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30.
So what's so tough about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00!"
Source: JokeGallery*dot*com
YOUR JoKe:
----------
Down in Florida, two widows were talking and one asked the other, "Do you
ever get to feeling horny?"
"Yes,"
her friend replied. "What do you do about it?"
"I usually suck on a Lifesaver."
After a moment of stunned silence her friend asked, "Well, what beach do
you go to?"
http://ping.fm/mcgo4
Link: http://ping.fm/KDnW9
----------
Down in Florida, two widows were talking and one asked the other, "Do you
ever get to feeling horny?"
"Yes,"
her friend replied. "What do you do about it?"
"I usually suck on a Lifesaver."
After a moment of stunned silence her friend asked, "Well, what beach do
you go to?"
http://ping.fm/mcgo4
Link: http://ping.fm/KDnW9
Monday, September 22, 2008
young man goes into a drug store to buy.....
young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and
asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and
she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's
"the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then
we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky
after that.
Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better
give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend
and her parents.
He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He
begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were
such a religious person."
He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your
father is a pharmacist!"
Did you know that you could get paid
for writing about stuff you like to
talk about?
Link: young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and
asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and
she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's
"the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then
we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky
after that.
Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better
give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend
and her parents.
He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He
begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were
such a religious person."
He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your
father is a pharmacist!"
Did you know that you could get paid
for writing about stuff you like to
talk about?
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and
asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and
she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's
"the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then
we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky
after that.
Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better
give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend
and her parents.
He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He
begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were
such a religious person."
He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your
father is a pharmacist!"
Did you know that you could get paid
for writing about stuff you like to
talk about?
Link: young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and
asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and
she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's
"the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then
we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky
after that.
Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better
give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend
and her parents.
He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He
begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were
such a religious person."
He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your
father is a pharmacist!"
Did you know that you could get paid
for writing about stuff you like to
talk about?
Friday, September 19, 2008
Boot It
Boot It
(to the tune of Beat It)
You're processing some words when your keyboard goes dead,
Ten pages in the buffer, should have gone to bed,
The system just crashed, but don't lose your head,
Just BOOT IT, just BOOT IT.
Better think fast, better do what you can,
Read the manual or call your system man,
Don't want to fall behind in the race with Japan,
So BOOT IT,
Get the system manager to
BOOT IT, BOOT IT,
Even though you'd rather shoot it.
Don't be upset, it's only some glitch.
All that you do is flip a little switch.
BOOT IT, BOOT IT,
Get right down and restitute it.
Don't get excited, all is not lost.
CP/M, UNIX or MS/DOS
Just BOOT IT, boot it, boot it, boot it...
You gotta have your printout for the meeting at two,
The system says your jobs at the head of the queue,
Right then the thing dies but you know what to do,
BOOT IT.
You always get so worried when the system runs slow,
And when it finally crashes, man you feel so low,
But computers make mistakes (they're only human you know)
So BOOT IT,
Call the local guru to
BOOT IT, BOOT IT,
Go ahead re-institute it.
If you're not lucky, get the book off the shelf,
But if you are, it'll do it itself.
BOOT IT, BOOT IT,
Then go find the guy who screwed it!
Operating systems are built to bounce back,
Whether it's a Cray or a Radio Shack.
BOOT IT! BOOT IT!
Link: http://jokes2go.com/
(to the tune of Beat It)
You're processing some words when your keyboard goes dead,
Ten pages in the buffer, should have gone to bed,
The system just crashed, but don't lose your head,
Just BOOT IT, just BOOT IT.
Better think fast, better do what you can,
Read the manual or call your system man,
Don't want to fall behind in the race with Japan,
So BOOT IT,
Get the system manager to
BOOT IT, BOOT IT,
Even though you'd rather shoot it.
Don't be upset, it's only some glitch.
All that you do is flip a little switch.
BOOT IT, BOOT IT,
Get right down and restitute it.
Don't get excited, all is not lost.
CP/M, UNIX or MS/DOS
Just BOOT IT, boot it, boot it, boot it...
You gotta have your printout for the meeting at two,
The system says your jobs at the head of the queue,
Right then the thing dies but you know what to do,
BOOT IT.
You always get so worried when the system runs slow,
And when it finally crashes, man you feel so low,
But computers make mistakes (they're only human you know)
So BOOT IT,
Call the local guru to
BOOT IT, BOOT IT,
Go ahead re-institute it.
If you're not lucky, get the book off the shelf,
But if you are, it'll do it itself.
BOOT IT, BOOT IT,
Then go find the guy who screwed it!
Operating systems are built to bounce back,
Whether it's a Cray or a Radio Shack.
BOOT IT! BOOT IT!
Link: http://jokes2go.com/
DOUBLE VODKA
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six
double vodka."
The barman says "Wow! you must have had one really bad day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same
drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came
back,
"I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six
double vodkas.
The bartender said "WOW! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."
Link:
DOUBLE VODKA
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six
double vodka."
The barman says "Wow! you must have had one really bad day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same
drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came
back,
"I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six
double vodkas.
The bartender said "WOW! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six
double vodka."
The barman says "Wow! you must have had one really bad day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same
drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came
back,
"I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six
double vodkas.
The bartender said "WOW! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."
Link:
DOUBLE VODKA
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six
double vodka."
The barman says "Wow! you must have had one really bad day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same
drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came
back,
"I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six
double vodkas.
The bartender said "WOW! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Sad Love Poems
Sad Love Poems of anger, betrayal, heartbreak and hurt.
How can there be pain in a place where there is so much joy? A loving relationship is the most awesome experience in the world. This is why it also holds the potential for so much sadness. There are so many things that can go wrong. We must remember, Better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all
Link: http://ping.fm/gzoOX
Sad Love Poems of anger, betrayal, heartbreak and hurt.
How can there be pain in a place where there is so much joy? A loving relationship is the most awesome experience in the world. This is why it also holds the potential for so much sadness. There are so many things that can go wrong. We must remember, Better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all
Link: http://ping.fm/gzoOX
Trapped in time
by October Tears RIP Lesthat Hayden
Your falling down
Pain consumes you
You want nothing
You think death can free you
Your heart in pieces
Your soul shattered
Your hear no one
No words get to you
You lock out there words
Though you know they can help heal you
Patients is needed
Yes you know
But time has stopped
You cant move forward
You trapped there
Frozen
You want nothing
You have nothing
You desire freedom
Alone you stand
Just there waiting
For something that will
Never come
So there you sit
Locked up inside
Cost forever
Trapped in time
(Myshwana: how i feel)
link: http://ping.fm/f6hoz
Your falling down
Pain consumes you
You want nothing
You think death can free you
Your heart in pieces
Your soul shattered
Your hear no one
No words get to you
You lock out there words
Though you know they can help heal you
Patients is needed
Yes you know
But time has stopped
You cant move forward
You trapped there
Frozen
You want nothing
You have nothing
You desire freedom
Alone you stand
Just there waiting
For something that will
Never come
So there you sit
Locked up inside
Cost forever
Trapped in time
(Myshwana: how i feel)
link: http://ping.fm/f6hoz
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
A Poem For Those Over 30 (funny)
A Poem For Those Over 30
A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the cousin of a goat.
Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bites.
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A curser used profanity
A keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out.
Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file.
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile.
Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a back up happened to your commode.
Cut you did with a pocket knife.
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu.
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens, they'll wish they were dead.
Copyright; Author Unknown
source: http://ping.fm/yR0ik
A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the cousin of a goat.
Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bites.
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A curser used profanity
A keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out.
Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file.
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile.
Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a back up happened to your commode.
Cut you did with a pocket knife.
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu.
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens, they'll wish they were dead.
Copyright; Author Unknown
source: http://ping.fm/yR0ik
Tortures by Wislawa Szymborska
Tortures by Wislawa Szymborska
Nothing has changed.
The body is susceptible to pain,
it must eat and breathe air and sleep,
it has thin skin and blood right underneath,
an adequate stock of teeth and nails,
its bones are breakable, its joints are stretchable.
In tortures all this is taken into account.
Nothing has changed.
The body shudders as it shuddered
before the founding of Rome and after,
in the twentieth century before and after Christ.
Tortures are as they were, it's just the earth that's grown smaller,
and whatever happens seems right on the other side of the wall.
Nothing has changed. It's just that there are more people,
besides the old offenses new ones have appeared,
real, imaginary, temporary, and none,
but the howl with which the body responds to them,
was, is and ever will be a howl of innocence
according to the time-honored scale and tonality.
Nothing has changed. Maybe just the manners, ceremonies, dances.
Yet the movement of the hands in protecting the head is the same.
The body writhes, jerks and tries to pull away,
its legs give out, it falls, the knees fly up,
it turns blue, swells, salivates and bleeds.
Nothing has changed. Except for the course of boundaries,
the line of forests, coasts, deserts and glaciers.
Amid these landscapes traipses the soul,
disappears, comes back, draws nearer, moves away,
alien to itself, elusive, at times certain, at others uncertain of its own existence,
while the body is and is and is
and has no place of its own.
Source: http://ping.fm/elVrR
Nothing has changed.
The body is susceptible to pain,
it must eat and breathe air and sleep,
it has thin skin and blood right underneath,
an adequate stock of teeth and nails,
its bones are breakable, its joints are stretchable.
In tortures all this is taken into account.
Nothing has changed.
The body shudders as it shuddered
before the founding of Rome and after,
in the twentieth century before and after Christ.
Tortures are as they were, it's just the earth that's grown smaller,
and whatever happens seems right on the other side of the wall.
Nothing has changed. It's just that there are more people,
besides the old offenses new ones have appeared,
real, imaginary, temporary, and none,
but the howl with which the body responds to them,
was, is and ever will be a howl of innocence
according to the time-honored scale and tonality.
Nothing has changed. Maybe just the manners, ceremonies, dances.
Yet the movement of the hands in protecting the head is the same.
The body writhes, jerks and tries to pull away,
its legs give out, it falls, the knees fly up,
it turns blue, swells, salivates and bleeds.
Nothing has changed. Except for the course of boundaries,
the line of forests, coasts, deserts and glaciers.
Amid these landscapes traipses the soul,
disappears, comes back, draws nearer, moves away,
alien to itself, elusive, at times certain, at others uncertain of its own existence,
while the body is and is and is
and has no place of its own.
Source: http://ping.fm/elVrR
Monday, September 15, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Inspirational Quote # 16
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly,
kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably,
and never regret anything that made you smile.
Source: http://ping.fm/iBB4k
kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably,
and never regret anything that made you smile.
Source: http://ping.fm/iBB4k
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Blog title...Famous interpretations of "Why did the Chicken cross the road?"
Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What
do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please...
Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black
man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample
him down!
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
L.A Poliece Department: Give us five minutes with the chicken,
and we'll find out.
Jerry Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! isn't it obvious?
Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The
chicken was going to the other side. thats what "they" call it:
the "other side". Yes, my friends the chicken is gay. And if
you eat that chicken, you will become gay too!
Ronald Reagan: What Chicken?
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion, and we
were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it!
ROBERT DE NIRO: Are you telling me the chicken crossed that
road? Is that what you're telling me?
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Marting Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all
chickens, be they black or white or brown or red or speckled,
will be free to cross roads without having their motives called
into question.
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and
that was good enough for us.
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone
before.
Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own
eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe
it's true?
Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
How do you feel about your mother?
Bill Gates: We have just
released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs (only in the proprietary brown_ms.egg format),
file your important documents, and balance your chequebook and
Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
The CIA
A: Who told you about the chicken? Did you see the chicken?
There was no chicken. Please step into the car, sir.
Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road
move beneath the chicken.
Source: http://ping.fm/l1v5W
do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please...
Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black
man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample
him down!
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
L.A Poliece Department: Give us five minutes with the chicken,
and we'll find out.
Jerry Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! isn't it obvious?
Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The
chicken was going to the other side. thats what "they" call it:
the "other side". Yes, my friends the chicken is gay. And if
you eat that chicken, you will become gay too!
Ronald Reagan: What Chicken?
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion, and we
were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it!
ROBERT DE NIRO: Are you telling me the chicken crossed that
road? Is that what you're telling me?
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Marting Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all
chickens, be they black or white or brown or red or speckled,
will be free to cross roads without having their motives called
into question.
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and
that was good enough for us.
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone
before.
Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own
eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe
it's true?
Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
How do you feel about your mother?
Bill Gates: We have just
released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs (only in the proprietary brown_ms.egg format),
file your important documents, and balance your chequebook and
Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
The CIA
A: Who told you about the chicken? Did you see the chicken?
There was no chicken. Please step into the car, sir.
Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road
move beneath the chicken.
Source: http://ping.fm/l1v5W
Friday, September 12, 2008
Whats in the bag
A fellow tries to cross the Mexican border
on a bicycle with two big bags balanced on his
shoulders. The guard asks, "What's in the bags?"
The fellow says, "Sand!"
The guard wants to examine them. The fellow
gets off the bike, places the bags on the ground,
opens them up, and the guard inspects... only
to find sand. The fellow packs the sand, places
the bags on his shoulders, and pedals the bike
across the border.
Two weeks later, the same situation is repeated...
"What have you there?"
"Sand"
"We want to examine."
Same results... nothing but sand and the fellow
is on his way again.
Every two weeks for six months the inspections
continue. Finally, one week the fellow didn't
show up. However, the guard sees him downtown
and says to the fellow, "Buddy, you had us crazy.
We sort of knew you were smuggling something.
I won't say anything what were you smuggling?"
The fellow says, "Bicycles."
Source: http://ping.fm/1UWGP
on a bicycle with two big bags balanced on his
shoulders. The guard asks, "What's in the bags?"
The fellow says, "Sand!"
The guard wants to examine them. The fellow
gets off the bike, places the bags on the ground,
opens them up, and the guard inspects... only
to find sand. The fellow packs the sand, places
the bags on his shoulders, and pedals the bike
across the border.
Two weeks later, the same situation is repeated...
"What have you there?"
"Sand"
"We want to examine."
Same results... nothing but sand and the fellow
is on his way again.
Every two weeks for six months the inspections
continue. Finally, one week the fellow didn't
show up. However, the guard sees him downtown
and says to the fellow, "Buddy, you had us crazy.
We sort of knew you were smuggling something.
I won't say anything what were you smuggling?"
The fellow says, "Bicycles."
Source: http://ping.fm/1UWGP
Monday, September 08, 2008
Love...
Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been
hurt. Dance like nobody's looking.
Politics...
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an
airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet
people who do."
- Henry Kissenger (former US Secretary of State)
One-Liners...
I love to give homemade gifts... which one of my kids do you
want?
"Siglets.com - Daily Siglets"
Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been
hurt. Dance like nobody's looking.
Politics...
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an
airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet
people who do."
- Henry Kissenger (former US Secretary of State)
One-Liners...
I love to give homemade gifts... which one of my kids do you
want?
"Siglets.com - Daily Siglets"
The big shot
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away
to attend college and law school. He decided
to come back to the small town because he could
be a big man in this small town. He really wanted
to impress everyone. So he returned and opened
his new law office.
The first day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk.
He decided to make a big impression on this new
client when he arrived. As the man came to the
door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the
man in, all the while talking.
"No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns
in New York that I won't settle this case for
less than one million. Yes. The Appeals Court
has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll
be handling the primary argument and the other
members of my team will provide support. Okay.
Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week
to discuss the details. "
This sort of thing went on for almost five
minutes. All the while the man sat patiently
as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put
down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry
for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy.
What can I do for you?"
The man replied, "I'm from the phone company.
I came to hook up your phone."
to attend college and law school. He decided
to come back to the small town because he could
be a big man in this small town. He really wanted
to impress everyone. So he returned and opened
his new law office.
The first day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk.
He decided to make a big impression on this new
client when he arrived. As the man came to the
door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the
man in, all the while talking.
"No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns
in New York that I won't settle this case for
less than one million. Yes. The Appeals Court
has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll
be handling the primary argument and the other
members of my team will provide support. Okay.
Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week
to discuss the details. "
This sort of thing went on for almost five
minutes. All the while the man sat patiently
as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put
down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry
for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy.
What can I do for you?"
The man replied, "I'm from the phone company.
I came to hook up your phone."
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Friday, September 05, 2008
Recognizing George
Recognizing George
A man died in a horrible fire. The mortician thought it was George, but the body was so badly burned that somebody would need to make a positive identification. That task fell to George's two friends, Joe and Al.
Joe: "He's burnt pretty bad, all right. Roll him over." Joe looked at the dead man's buttocks and said, "Nope, that ain't George."
Thinking the incident strange, the mortician straightened up the body and said nothing. He brought in Al.
Al: "Wow, he's burnt to a crisp. Roll him over." Again, "Nope, that ain't George."
Mortician: "How can you tell?"
Al: "George had two assholes."
Mortician: "What? How could he have two assholes?"
Al: "Everybody knew George had two assholes. Whenever the three of us would go into town you'd hear people say, "Here comes George with those two
Source: http://ping.fm/ITnY1
A man died in a horrible fire. The mortician thought it was George, but the body was so badly burned that somebody would need to make a positive identification. That task fell to George's two friends, Joe and Al.
Joe: "He's burnt pretty bad, all right. Roll him over." Joe looked at the dead man's buttocks and said, "Nope, that ain't George."
Thinking the incident strange, the mortician straightened up the body and said nothing. He brought in Al.
Al: "Wow, he's burnt to a crisp. Roll him over." Again, "Nope, that ain't George."
Mortician: "How can you tell?"
Al: "George had two assholes."
Mortician: "What? How could he have two assholes?"
Al: "Everybody knew George had two assholes. Whenever the three of us would go into town you'd hear people say, "Here comes George with those two
Source: http://ping.fm/ITnY1
myshwana has invited you to join MyBlogLog
A little MyBlogLog background...
Discover something new or cool each day. Find a sites are unique to your interests, be that "you'll never guess what I found on the internet" person.
Learn more about the people who publish your favorite sites? What do they read? Who else reads them?
Connect with people who read the same sites as you, make the world wide web a little smaller, more connected.
myshwana thinks MyBlogLog is so great that they've taken the time to let you know about it. Come check it out. If you've got a Yahoo! account, you're already half-way there. Join http://ping.fm/9K5PA Check out www.mybloglog.com to learn more.
Join MyBlogLog
for you jump-right-in types
MyBlogLog - not just for bloggers anymore.
www.mybloglog.com
A little MyBlogLog background...
Discover something new or cool each day. Find a sites are unique to your interests, be that "you'll never guess what I found on the internet" person.
Learn more about the people who publish your favorite sites? What do they read? Who else reads them?
Connect with people who read the same sites as you, make the world wide web a little smaller, more connected.
myshwana thinks MyBlogLog is so great that they've taken the time to let you know about it. Come check it out. If you've got a Yahoo! account, you're already half-way there. Join http://ping.fm/9K5PA Check out www.mybloglog.com to learn more.
Join MyBlogLog
for you jump-right-in types
MyBlogLog - not just for bloggers anymore.
www.mybloglog.com
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Myshwana thinks you should join Mahalo
Hi,
You can view Myshwana's Mahalo profile here:
http://www.mahalo.com/member/Myshwana
To join Mahalo, go to:
http://www.mahalo.com/signup
After you join and add Myshwana as a friend, you can easily keep track
of all the great links Myshwana recommends to Mahalo.
---
Mahalo is a human-powered search engine that creates organized,
comprehensive, and spam free search results for the most popular
search terms. Anyone can recommend links for inclusion in Mahalo.
--
Saturday, March 01, 2008
I started this network on Ning...
Come join me on MyShwana.
I started this network on Ning...
Would you like to join me...
share blogs, information....
Nice and innocent social site..
Thank You
Much Luv
Kisses Shwana
Click here to join:
http://myshwana.ning.com/?xgi=4pLgEtX
Thanks,
shwana
Friday, July 06, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Profile Linker
You have been invited to join ProfileLinker by shwana
 |
Click here to get linked and see what social networks your friend is on.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Welcome! Couple tips for using DotBlu
Welcome to BluBet! In case you forget, your login information is below.
But first, here are a couple quick tips for exploring BluBet...
1. Participate in as many existing BluBets as possible. To start, we have
rewarded you with 30,000 BluBucks. You are now on your way to becoming a
Blu-Millionaire!
2. Create BluBets and invite your friends to participate. More participants
will increase the visibility of your BluBet. Also, set a reasonable ante for
the BluBet (500-1,000 BluBucks).
Here is your login info - keep this email around for reference!
Username: tshwana.shwana
Password: The password you chose during registration.
To invite more friends to play your BluBets, simply forward them this link:
https://www.blubet.com/userinvite/22a2dc5eb3904c0a95c58bce7ad44bd0
We hope you enjoy BluBet!
Sincerely,
The BluBetters
---
This email is never sent unsolicited. If you believe you
have received this in error, please contact us at:
privacy@blubet.com
05/07/08 post date
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Photobucket - Shwana wanted you to check out this video
| ||||||
Bix:shwana invites you to view
Personal message from "shwana":
I found this person on Bix.com. Help them grow their fan base by becoming a fan yourself!
Bix user:
shwana
"shwana"'s profile link:
http://bix.yahoo.com//person/shwana?emailInviteFrom=shwana
PS Bix gives everyone the chance to be a star. That's because YOU decide who the stars of tomorrow will be!
PPS If you feel you have received this email in error, please contact Bix at mailto:unsubscribe@bix.yahoo.com
http://bix.yahoo.com/
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_sg5disPiewljPCy8GC30CBeqX45BjR7e8SsHjUROA6ACbIkTOe_bfBxX3PXwfV7jPIxC3cRdSbOTbxOdfbHJsz93hY6sX1Gq2NeFskYm2BuQ7HkLMMf7ndoQ1mirnKpwfxGbnEs_miL6AhHz3sHNq2=s0-d)
I found this person on Bix.com. Help them grow their fan base by becoming a fan yourself!
Bix user:
shwana
"shwana"'s profile link:
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PS Bix gives everyone the chance to be a star. That's because YOU decide who the stars of tomorrow will be!
PPS If you feel you have received this email in error, please contact Bix at mailto:unsubscribe@bix.yahoo.com
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Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Friday, April 06, 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
I could've Swore she said Slims
I could've Swore she said Slims
I SAID SUPERMAX
Taxonomy of Medical Practitioners
An acher of bacteriologists A murmur of cardiologists A stain
of cytotechnologists A rash of dermatologists A speck of
forensic pathologists A poke of gynecologists A vessel of heart
surgeons A clot of hematologists A nursery of obstetricians A
dose of pharmacists A pile of proctologists A G-spot of sex
therapists A stream of urologists
--------------------------------
An American has sex with a Soviet emigre woman and catches a
strange venereal disease (this time, a green ring around the
base of the penis). The patient goes to a doctor who says he's
never seen anything like it, but his penis will probably have
to be amputated.
The patient then goes to another doctor, who also doesn't know
anything about this disease, but thinks the amputation is
indicated. Deeply distressed, the patient decides to go to a
Soviet emigre doctor, figuring he may be familiar with this
V.D.
Indeed, the Soviet emigre doctor says, "I know this disease!
Your American doctors always want to cut. Don't do anything.
Two week later, prick fall off by himself!"
-----------------------------
Words of Wisdom...
The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give
to others.
Bumper Stickers...
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who
can't.
Quotes...
The true republic: men, their rights and nothing more; women,
their rights and nothing less. - Susan B. Anthony (1820-1906)
--American suffragist
-----------------------
You don't know Jack Schitt!
When someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt", well, now
you'll know the entire story.
Jack Schitt was the only son of Owe Schitt and Awe Schitt. Owe
Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Schitt, who later
ran a country hotel.. The Kneedeep Inn.
Jack Schitt eventually married Noe Schitt and together they
produced six children.
Sadly, their first child, Holy Schitt, passed away shortly
after birth. Next came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Then they had twin daughters, Fulla Schitt and Givva Schitt.
Their last child was a son, Bull.
As time went on, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school
dropout. Deep Schitt's twin brother, Dip Schitt, married Lotta
schitt, who gave birth to a son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt
and Givva Schitt married the Happens brothers.
The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt and
Hawse Schitt.
Bull Schitt recently married a spicy Italian number, Pisa
Schitt and together they await the birth of their first child,
Baby Schitt.
So the next time someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!"
you can say "Not only do I know Jack Schitt, but the whole damn
family as well!"
Friday, October 13, 2006
Slogan's Gone Wrong
Divorce can wait
A wife was having coffee with a girlfriend of hers when she confided to her, "Our marriage has never been that great, but this year has been the absolute worst between my husband and I. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Ear |
------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing
corporations. It shouldn't be that hard, yet even the big
multi-nationals run into trouble because of language and
cultural differences. For example...
The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la.
Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after
thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite
the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending
on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters
and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which
can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."
In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with
the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your
ancestors back from the dead."
Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan
"finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off."
The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem - Feeling
Free," got translated in the Japanese market into "When smoking
Salem, you feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free
and empty."
When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America,
it was apparently unaware that "no va" means "it won't go."
After the company figured out why it wasn't selling any cars,
it renamed the car in its Spanish markets to the Caribe.
Ford had a similar problem in Brazil when the Pinto flopped.
The company found out that Pinto was Brazilian slang for "tiny
male genitals". Ford pried all the nameplates off and
substituted Corcel, which means horse.
When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads
were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and
embarrass you." However, the company mistakenly thought the
spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass. Instead the ads said
that "It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."
An American t-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the
spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of the
desired "I Saw the Pope" in Spanish, the shirts proclaimed "I
Saw the Potato."
Chicken-man Frank Perdue's slogan, "It takes a tough man to
make a tender chicken," got terribly mangled in another Spanish
translation. A photo of Perdue with one of his birds appeared
on billboards all over Mexico with a caption that explained "It
takes a hard man to make a chicken aroused."
Hunt-Wesson introduced its Big John products in French Canada
as Gros Jos before finding out that the phrase, in slang, means
"big breasts." In this case, however, the name problem did not
have a noticeable effect on sales.
Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name
of a notorious porno mag.
In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the
name into Schweppes Toilet Water.
Japan's second-largest tourist agency was mystified when it
entered English-speaking markets and began receiving requests
for unusual sex tours. Upon finding out why, the owners of
Kinki Nippon Tourist Company changed its name.
and finally...
In an effort to boost orange juice sales in predominantly
continental breakfast eating England, a campaign was devised to
extoll the drink's eye-opening, pick-me-up qualities. Hence,
the slogan, "Orange juice. It gets your pecker up."
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Dimension
Winter Moonlight
The snow, so peaceful and serene,
caressed by the soft moonlight,
gave magical feelings to the night.
The soft blue glow,
the lover's words that then did flow,
their lips closer and closer
until, locked in the throes
of a passionate embrace,
he decided to express his feelings,
to keep her safe.
He whispered softly,
his words like music to her ears,
"I Love You,"
and her response the same,
heard like the gentle breeze,
"And I, love you, forever."
That was the night they promised
to be together through everything,
each to care for the other when old and gray
A lover's pact
the most likely to last.
- Krista J. Mikula -
only in another Dimension
Love is strong yet delicate.
It can be broken.
To truly love is to understand this.
To be in love is to respect this.
- Stephen Packer -
Yes i fully understand this..
Love will brake you down to your lowest.
to truly understand this and respect this
who needs love.
by I wanna L your V--//
I see where this has gone, yes I do.
I cannot do much about it though.
No Sir I can't. I'll just sit and wait.
Grin, nod and watch as the events unfold.
Mutter I might. Oh my you don't say?
What's that I see. Don't be silly.
My dear child, what are you looking at,
With your foolish grin, your muttered words?
Pish-Posh, that's lies all lies, lies, lies!
I do believe I speak the truth. Do I not?
Ohh..I see. I don't now do I?
I'll have you know, I'm the best truth-be-told.
Ack, you are a what? A..Oh I see.
Yes, I know what you are. I'm not dumb you hear.
You are a teenager, shall I explain my wisdom.
Let you have, a few wise tales so you learn?
Ruin my fun why don't you,
And the story had just begun too.
I'm older, though so this is how this will go.
Place your behind on that thing..
Now what's it called, I'm not all there you see.
AH-HA! Sit your behind upon that chair.
Close your eyes, and listen to what I shall say.
Define teenager, oh why I think I shall!
Adolescent a juvenile. Wait, are my words to big?
Do you need me to be more simple minded for you?
Let's break it down now, shall I not? Ten words shall do!
"A juvenile between the onset of puberty and maturity."
Ah who am I kidding with my little games.
I'm no older than you, can't you see that.
I bet you did, care to refine what you said earlier?
I'm trouble you see, nothing more than a teenager I may be.
A wise ass, with a knack to be an annoyance.
Keep on grinning, and nodding. I know what you think.
For I too, think just lika'you my fellow teens.
Bow your heads, kiss my feet. Laugh with me.
Randomness shall over run, the teens shall be free.
Free I say, my games are done, no more grins
My jokes are gone, giggle free I seem to be
I'm back at one. Back to when I was no-one.
Basically i Miss you
kisses.. Still Pouting
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Female Fantasy
(a wasted weekend isnt a weekend wasted)
Female Fantasy
In a recent Harris On-line poll 38,562 men across the US were asked to identify woman's ultimate fantasy. 97.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. |
=============================================================
The Most Painful Part
A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice the girl knew just as much about the game as themselves, and are really impressed. After the game they ask her, "How is it that you know so much about baseball?" She says, "Well, I used to be a guy and got a sex change." The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process. "What was the most painful part of the process? Was it when they cut IT off?" "That was very painful, but was not the most painful part." "Was it when they cut off your balls?" "That was very painful, but was not the most painful part." "What was the most painful part?" "The part that hurt the most was when they cut my salary in half!"
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Mighty Mouse
Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse orders a scotch, gulps it down and slams the glass on the bar. He turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it 20 times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."
The second mouse orders two shots of bourbon, slams them down and nearly breaks the glasses on the bar. He turns to the first mouse and replies, "Yeah, well, when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it into a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."
The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and screw the cat."
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Unfaithful Wife
The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and in less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the "other man".
The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy marriage had not this S.O.B. come onto the scene. Being a man of the 90's and all, he decided to handle the matter in what he judged to be sophisticated and business-like manner.
He sent the following e-mail to his wife's lover:
Sir,
It has been brought to my attention that for some time now you have been carrying on an affair with my wife. So that we may settle this matter in an intelligent fashion, please be at my office at 3 PM on Friday next.
The "other man" was highly amused by the husband's formal manner and sent off the following reply at once:
Dear Sir,
I have received a copy of your mass mailing this morning. You may be advised that I will attend the scheduled conference in your Office's auditorium.
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